Not a copy paste fan, but this was too funny

IM between my friend Chris and I:

Chris: OH GOD I'M BACK
jesus

me: lol

Chris: so both roommates are gone
and they didn't leave me with a car
and there wasn't really any food
so I decided to walk about 1/2 mile to mcdonalds
but we're having this storm right now
like 40 mph winds and thick sheets of rain
32 degrees
and I guess flood warnings...
I missed the flood warnings
so I start walking there
and there are like giant lakes I keep having to go around
they block the entire street
twice I stepped in like 4-5" puddles

me: LOLOL

Chris: and mcdonalds is completely surrounded by this giant moat

me: oh no!

Chris: it's fucking impregnable

me: yeah, there's nothing that can counteract that moat card

Chris: so I had to ninja my way in
doing fucking parkour moves to gain access
I get inside
and the employees are speachless
APPARENTLY they've been watching me the whole time
like try for 20 minutes to get in

me: bvzdbcfzhjlv
gfddzgfdfdgz
Oh god,
I'm weeping from laughing
well at least now you don't have to shower?

Chris: there were people trapped inside

me: omg!

Chris: they asked me how I managed to get in

me: NINJA!

Chris: yeah it was sort of awkward
I didn't know how to answer reasonably
"you have to climb this fence, then balance across the railing..."
"there's a small 5 inch island in the middle of the lake to the southwest you can use as a stepping stone..."
on my walk home, I took my drink with me

me: omg you're zelda!

Chris: this is how bad the wind was:
you know how you can make a whistling noise if you blow just right across the top of a straw or bottle?

me: yeah

Chris: yeah the wind was doing that the whole time
WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOo
like better than I can do it

me: so how did you get out? did anyone follow you?
did anyone join your party?

Chris: lol
no
I broke through the seige and returned triumphantly
I think I'm actually going to take a shower now though

me: did you level up??!
cause if you didn't even level up...worst quest ever
:P

Chris: they saw me cross the street like 3-4 times
looking for a way in
the roads were full of water too
there was like a 5 foot strip in the middle that was dry
so I had to run along that
I had to wait for traffic to slow
and then I sprinted down

me: my boyfriend wants to illustrate this and put it on his online comic

Chris: it's important that he draw me bundled up with lots of clothes, and just a hair out of shape
to really illustrate the irony in my actions and demeanour

me: I want McDonalds now